I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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