I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
