I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
