is your mom at the bar?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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