i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
