Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
