We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
