I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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