I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
