Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
