What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
