she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
