Redeem this text for a blowjob
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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