just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We are all done wearing pants today
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
