well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i believe in u and ur pee
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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