yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
