did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
