Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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