dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
