Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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