Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize