PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
