So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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