Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
