look no pants
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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