Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
