Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
are you so shy because you have an std?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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