God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
