We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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