You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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