Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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