im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
