Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
