help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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