Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize