while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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