i would punch a child for taco bell
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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