If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
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