Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I look better un-naked...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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