My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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