thus making me awesome and them whores
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
