i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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