another moral hangover. fuck.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
