Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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