Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
