I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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