He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
