i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
