Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
