Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
