A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
