I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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