Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize