got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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