it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
