the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
