Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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