Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
