Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize