the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
