I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
foreskin is a definite game changer
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
