If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
