Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
