I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
