Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
