Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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