i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
