I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
