oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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