somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
