I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize