Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Randomize
