Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
