I think I died a long time ago.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
