I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
i've created a new STD.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
