my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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