just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
