i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
