DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
