I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
