It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
A bitchslap is in order.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
