This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
