And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
