You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
