just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
