Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
