You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i think i just lost a toe
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
