well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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