dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
