I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
