I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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