i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize